Katie Luman 7/28/25 Katie Luman 7/28/25

How Psychodynamic Therapy Helps ACOAs Process Unresolved Trauma

Growing up in an environment where addiction played a central role can have profound, lasting effects on emotional well-being. As Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs), many people experience deep emotional wounds that continue to shape their lives long after leaving the alcoholic home. The trauma that comes from growing up in such an environment doesn’t simply go away—it needs to be processed, understood, and healed.

Psychodynamic therapy is one of the most effective therapeutic approaches for addressing the deep-rooted trauma experienced by ACoAs. This therapy provides a safe space to explore how unconscious patterns, unresolved childhood conflicts, and emotional neglect continue to influence adult life. In this blog post, we’ll dive into the ways in which psychodynamic therapy helps ACoAs process unresolved trauma, heal, and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

What is Psychodynamic Therapy?

Before we dive into the specifics of how psychodynamic therapy helps ACoAs, let’s first define what psychodynamic therapy is and how it works. Psychodynamic therapy is a form of talk therapy that aims to bring unconscious thoughts, feelings, and memories into awareness, allowing individuals to understand and resolve deep-seated emotional issues. This approach focuses on the influence of past experiences, particularly early childhood, and how those experiences shape present-day behaviors, emotions, and relationships.

Unlike some other forms of therapy that focus on the present or behavioral change, psychodynamic therapy seeks to understand the root causes of emotional distress. It helps individuals connect the dots between their past and present, uncover unconscious conflicts, and make healthier choices based on newfound insight.

In the context of Adult Children of Alcoholics, psychodynamic therapy can be particularly beneficial for addressing the emotional scars left by growing up in a dysfunctional, emotionally unpredictable home. By exploring these unresolved traumas, ACoAs can gain clarity and understanding about how their childhood experiences shaped their adult relationships, coping mechanisms, and self-worth.

The Trauma of Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home

For many ACoAs, childhood was a time filled with unpredictability, emotional neglect, and sometimes abuse. Alcoholism in the home can create an environment of constant fear, anxiety, and confusion, especially when a child is unable to predict how a parent will act from day to day. Parents who struggle with addiction may be emotionally unavailable, dismissive, or erratic, which leaves children feeling unseen, unheard, and unimportant.

As children, we depend on our caregivers for emotional validation, safety, and stability. When these needs go unmet, we often develop coping mechanisms to survive. Some common experiences for ACoAs include:

Chronic anxiety due to never knowing when the next emotional storm will hit.
Low self-esteem because love and affection felt conditional on good behavior or pleasing a parent.
Difficulty trusting others due to an unreliable parent who may have been inconsistent or neglectful.
People-pleasing tendencies as a way to gain approval or avoid conflict, often at the expense of one's own needs.

These emotional wounds, often left unprocessed, can continue to affect an ACoA’s relationships, mental health, and ability to function in adulthood. Psychodynamic therapy provides a pathway for healing these wounds by exploring the root causes of emotional distress and helping individuals reframe their understanding of the past.

How Psychodynamic Therapy Helps Process Unresolved Trauma

Psychodynamic therapy helps ACoAs in multiple ways by addressing the deep-rooted emotional wounds caused by growing up in an alcoholic home. Through self-exploration and uncovering unconscious patterns, this therapeutic approach allows ACoAs to understand how their past has shaped their present-day struggles. Let’s explore how psychodynamic therapy works to heal unresolved trauma for ACoAs.

1. Exploring Unconscious Patterns from Childhood

One of the core principles of psychodynamic therapy is that much of our behavior is influenced by unconscious thoughts and feelings—especially those stemming from childhood. For ACoAs, the trauma from growing up in an alcoholic household often remains unconscious, influencing behavior without being fully understood.

For example, an ACoA may struggle with people-pleasing behaviors as an adult, but they may not be fully aware of why they find it so difficult to set boundaries or say “no.” In therapy, a trained psychodynamic therapist helps the individual uncover the unconscious reasons behind this pattern—often linked to childhood experiences of seeking approval or love from an alcoholic parent.

By bringing these unconscious patterns to the surface, psychodynamic therapy allows ACoAs to understand their behaviors better. This increased self-awareness is crucial in healing, as it allows individuals to begin making conscious choices rather than being driven by unconscious fears, anxieties, or old survival mechanisms.

2. Understanding Family Dynamics and Their Impact

In psychodynamic therapy, there’s a focus on understanding family dynamics and how they shape an individual’s emotional development. ACoAs often grew up in homes where alcohol created a dysfunctional dynamic. A parent might have been emotionally distant or abusive, or the child may have taken on the role of caretaker, trying to shield the family from the chaos of addiction.

Through therapy, an ACoA can begin to understand how these dynamics impacted their sense of self and how they relate to others. For example, a child raised by an alcoholic parent may develop an unconscious belief that their worth is tied to taking care of others. This belief can carry over into adulthood, leading to codependent behaviors in romantic relationships or friendships.

By understanding these family dynamics, ACoAs can begin to recognize unhealthy relational patterns and work toward healthier, more balanced connections with others.

3. Healing Shame and Guilt

Growing up in an alcoholic home can lead to feelings of shame and guilt. Children of alcoholics often internalize the belief that they are somehow responsible for their parent’s addiction or that they are unworthy of love. These feelings of inadequacy can persist well into adulthood, causing low self-esteem, emotional numbness, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships.

Psychodynamic therapy allows ACoAs to explore these feelings of shame and guilt in a safe, nonjudgmental space. Through this exploration, individuals can start to separate themselves from the shame they carried from childhood. They can learn that their parent’s addiction was never their fault and that their worth is inherent, not dependent on their ability to "fix" or "care for" others.

The therapeutic process helps ACoAs rebuild their self-esteem and self-worth by challenging these deeply held beliefs and reframing them. This can lead to healing and the development of a more positive sense of self.

4. Breaking the Cycle of Dysfunction

Many ACoAs find themselves replicating the unhealthy patterns they experienced as children. For example, an ACoAmay enter relationships where they unconsciously seek out emotionally unavailable or abusive partners, recreating the emotional chaos they grew up with. Psychodynamic therapy helps ACoAs understand how they’ve unconsciously repeated these patterns and provides the tools to break the cycle.

Through insight-oriented therapy, ACoAs learn how to make healthier choices in their relationships by understanding how past experiences have influenced their current behavior. Therapy helps individuals build emotional resilience and break free from the patterns of dysfunction they inherited.

5. Processing and Integrating Childhood Trauma

The trauma experienced by ACoAs often goes unprocessed, causing emotional numbness, unresolved grief, or repressed anger. Psychodynamic therapy provides a safe space for ACoAs to confront and process these difficult emotions. By revisiting the emotional wounds of childhood in a therapeutic context, individuals can begin to integrate their experiences and heal from them.

This process involves emotional release—allowing feelings of anger, sadness, or fear to be expressed and understood in a healthy way. As these emotions are processed, ACoAs experience relief from the emotional weight they’ve been carrying for years. The healing process involves emotional validation and self-compassion, both of which are essential for recovery.

The Role of the Therapeutic Relationship in Psychodynamic Therapy

In psychodynamic therapy, the relationship between therapist and client plays a key role in the healing process. For ACoAs, the therapist provides a secure attachment in which they can explore their feelings of vulnerability, fear, and self-doubt. The therapeutic relationship allows the individual to experience emotional safety and trust—something that may have been lacking in childhood.

By developing a secure therapeutic relationship, ACoAs are able to experience healthy emotional attachment, which can positively influence their future relationships. At my practice, my role as a therapist is not only to listen and understand but also to offer guidance in developing healthier ways of relating to oneself and others.

How Psychodynamic Therapy Leads to Lasting Change

The change that happens in psychodynamic therapy is not superficial or temporary. It’s deep and lasting because it addresses the root causes of emotional distress. Through gaining insight into their past, ACoAs can understand the unconscious patterns that have held them back and work toward healthier ways of thinking, feeling, and relating.

Psychodynamic therapy provides tools for emotional resilience, self-awareness, and self-compassion, which allow ACoAs to heal from past trauma and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. By confronting unresolved trauma, ACoAs can leave behind the emotional chaos of their childhood and move forward with greater clarity and emotional freedom.

Conclusion: Healing from the Past, Moving Toward the Future

The trauma of growing up as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) is not something that can be healed overnight. However, psychodynamic therapy offers a powerful tool for understanding and processing the deep emotional wounds that often go unacknowledged. By exploring past experiences, unconscious patterns, and unresolved trauma, ACoAs can heal and create a brighter, healthier future for themselves.

If you’re ready to begin your healing journey, I encourage you to reach out. Together, we can explore how psychodynamic therapy can help you process unresolved trauma and build a healthier, more fulfilling life. It’s time to heal, grow, and take the next step toward emotional well-being.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Georgia. She provides in person therapy at her Marietta office and provides virtual sessions for the entire state of Georgia. She enjoys helping people learn how to love others well while still honoring their own personal needs. If you are interested in treatment for Codependency then call or email Katie today!

Disclaimer: This is in no way a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. If you would like help working towards a healthy dependence in your relationships I can help. Click here to schedule an appointment.

Katie Luman 7/21/25 Katie Luman 7/21/25

The Impact of Codependency on Family Dynamics: How to Create Healthier Family Relationships

When you think of family dynamics, you might picture warm, supportive relationships where everyone’s needs are met, and love flows freely. However, for many people, family dynamics are far from perfect. In fact, for those struggling with codependency, family relationships can become a tangled web of emotional neglect, enmeshment, and unhealthy patterns of interaction. Codependency doesn’t just affect the individual—it has a significant impact on the entire family system.

If you’ve grown up in a family where codependency was the norm, or if you find yourself struggling with codependent patterns in your own family, you may feel stuck in a cycle of emotional turmoil. The good news is that healing is possible. In this post, we’ll explore the impact of codependency on family dynamics and offer actionable steps to create healthier, more balanced relationships within your family.

What is Codependency in the Family Context?

Codependency in the family context refers to a relationship dynamic where one or more family members rely excessively on others for emotional support, validation, or even their sense of self-worth. This pattern often involves one family member taking on the role of the “caretaker” or “fixer,” while another may take on the role of the “needy” or “dependent” person.

In codependent family systems:

One member may feel responsible for meeting everyone else’s emotional needs, often at the expense of their own.
Family members may sacrifice their own happiness or well-being to avoid conflict or to maintain a sense of peace.
Emotional boundaries become blurred, leading to enmeshment, where family members become overly involved in each other’s lives and emotions.
The emotional health of the family unit is often dependent on one person’s happiness or stability, which creates an unbalanced, dysfunctional dynamic.

For many families, codependency often begins in childhood, especially when emotional needs are not adequately met by caregivers. Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs) or those raised in dysfunctional families are particularly susceptible to developing codependent behaviors, as they may have learned to cope with chaos or neglect by focusing on the needs of others.

How Codependency Impacts Family Dynamics

Codependency doesn’t just affect the individual—it has a domino effect on the entire family. Over time, it can create dysfunctional patterns that prevent family members from forming healthy, authentic connections with each other. Here are some common ways codependency can impact family dynamics:

1. Enmeshment: Loss of Emotional Boundaries

One of the most common effects of codependency in families is enmeshment. In an enmeshed family, the emotional boundaries between family members are blurred. This can lead to a situation where one person’s emotional state is constantly affecting the entire family. In this kind of environment, family members may feel like they are responsible for each other’s emotions.

For example, if one family member is upset, everyone else in the family might become emotionally involved or feel obligated to “fix” the situation. This constant emotional overlap can make it difficult for family members to establish a clear sense of self or to differentiate their own needs from others.

In enmeshed families, roles become unclear. Children might feel like they need to act as emotional caregivers for their parents, which creates confusion about appropriate behavior in the family unit. This dynamic stifles growth and emotional health, as no one gets to develop their own sense of autonomy or identity.

2. Caretaking Roles: The Burden of Responsibility

Another hallmark of codependency is the assumption of caretaking roles. In codependent families, one person (often the parent or oldest child) may take on the emotional responsibility for everyone else’s happiness, often at the expense of their own emotional health. This can lead to an unbalanced family dynamic where one person is always giving, while others take or rely on them excessively.

While caretaking may seem like a noble or selfless act, it can quickly lead to burnout, resentment, and feelings of being unappreciated. The person in the caretaking role may feel as though their needs don’t matter or are not valued, leading to feelings of emotional exhaustion and self-neglect.

This caretaking role can also foster dependency in others, particularly in children. If a child is raised in an environment where they see one parent constantly giving and another constantly taking, they may learn to accept unhealthy relational dynamics as normal. As adults, they may replicate this pattern, either by becoming caretakers themselves or by expecting others to take care of their needs.

3. Role Confusion: Inappropriate Boundaries

In codependent families, the roles and boundaries within the family system often become confused. This confusion can lead to inappropriate behavior, such as:

Children acting as emotional caregivers to their parents, rather than the other way around.
Spouses or siblings becoming overly dependent on one another to meet emotional needs, rather than maintaining their own emotional autonomy.
Unspoken rules about what can and can’t be discussed, leading to a lack of openness or emotional honesty.

These blurred boundaries can make it difficult for family members to function as individuals, leading to dysfunctional interactions and a lack of personal growth within the family. Children may feel trapped in their roles as emotional caretakers or feel that their emotional needs are not being met, which can negatively impact their self-esteem and emotional development.

4. Fear of Conflict: Avoiding Difficult Conversations

In many codependent families, there’s a deep-seated fear of conflict. Family members may avoid difficult conversations or suppress their true feelings to keep the peace. This often leads to unresolved tension, passive-aggressive behavior, and a sense of frustration. When emotions are suppressed for long periods, they can result in explosive outbursts or emotional shutdowns.

The fear of conflict also keeps people from setting healthy boundaries or expressing their true needs. When conflict is avoided, it prevents the family from addressing the underlying issues that are causing dysfunction. In the long run, this avoidance can create more emotional distance and prevent family members from resolving deep-seated issues.

5. The Perpetuation of Dysfunctional Patterns

Perhaps the most damaging effect of codependency in families is that it can perpetuate dysfunctional patterns across generations. Children who grow up in codependent families often internalize unhealthy behaviors, such as putting others’ needs before their own, neglecting their own emotional health, and struggling with boundaries. These patterns are often passed down to future generations, creating a cycle of codependency that can continue for years.

Children raised in codependent families often grow up to develop codependent tendencies themselves, repeating the cycle with their own children, partners, and friends. It’s essential to break this cycle to create a healthier, more functional family dynamic.

Breaking the Codependency Cycle: How to Create Healthier Family Relationships

The good news is that it’s possible to break the cycle of codependency and create healthier family dynamics. It starts with awareness, communication, and a commitment to personal growth. Here are some actionable steps that can help you begin creating healthier relationships within your family:

1. Acknowledge the Patterns of Codependency

The first step in healing is acknowledging that codependency exists within the family system. It’s important to recognize the unhealthy patterns, such as emotional enmeshment, caretaking, and role confusion. Once you understand these patterns, you can begin the process of healing and transformation.

This step might involve family therapy or individual counseling to help family members gain insight into how codependency has affected their relationships. Understanding the root of these behaviors is the key to breaking the cycle.

2. Set and Respect Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are critical in breaking the cycle of codependency. Boundaries allow each family member to maintain their own emotional independence, ensuring that they can meet their own needs without over-relying on others. Here are some ways to start setting and respecting boundaries within your family:

Communicate openly about what you need and expect from others.
Say no when something doesn’t align with your needs or values.
Encourage emotional independence, allowing each family member to handle their emotions without feeling responsible for others’ feelings.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean creating distance or rejecting family members—it means ensuring that everyone has the emotional space to grow and develop.

3. Encourage Individual Growth and Autonomy

A healthy family system supports individual growth. Encourage each family member to pursue their own goals, hobbies, and interests, and celebrate their achievements. Supporting each other’s autonomy fosters a sense of self-worth and helps break the cycle of enmeshment.

When family members are allowed to grow independently, they bring more to the family unit. This leads to more vibrant and emotionally secure relationships.

4. Promote Open Communication and Conflict Resolution

For families trapped in codependency, conflict is often avoided. However, healthy relationships require open communication and the ability to work through disagreements. Encourage your family to have honest discussions about feelings, needs, and concerns. When conflict arises, use healthy conflict resolution skills to address issues calmly and respectfully, rather than avoiding or suppressing emotions.

Teaching family members how to communicate openly and resolve conflict healthily will help prevent misunderstandings and emotional overload.

5. Seek Therapy and Professional Support

Sometimes, healing from codependency requires professional help. Family therapy can provide a safe space to address deeply rooted issues and work on building healthier dynamics. At my practice I help family members understand the emotional patterns that have shaped their relationships and guide them in developing healthier ways of relating to one another.

Individual therapy can also support personal growth and emotional independence, giving each family member the tools they need to contribute to the healing process.

Conclusion: Healing Together, One Step at a Time

Breaking the cycle of codependency is not easy, but it is absolutely possible. By recognizing the patterns that have contributed to dysfunction, setting healthy boundaries, and encouraging individual growth, you can begin to create a more balanced, supportive family dynamic. Healing from codependency is a process, but with time, commitment, and support, you can transform your family relationships into ones that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and love.

If you’re ready to take the first step toward healing, then reach out for support. Therapy can provide the tools and resources you need to begin breaking free from codependent patterns and building a healthier family system.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie Luman 7/14/25 Katie Luman 7/14/25

Why Emotional Independence is Key to Healthy Relationships: A Guide for ACOAs and Codependents

Emotional independence is a concept that is often misunderstood, especially for those who have grown up in an environment where love and approval were conditional. If you’ve been in relationships where you were constantly seeking validation, struggling with codependency, or fearing abandonment, the idea of emotional independence might seem daunting or even unnatural. But it is one of the most important aspects of building healthy, balanced relationships.

In this post, we’ll explore why emotional independence is crucial for personal growth and healthy relationships, particularly for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs) and those struggling with codependency. We’ll discuss how to cultivate emotional independence, its benefits, and how it can lead to more fulfilling and authentic connections.

What is Emotional Independence?

Emotional independence means that you have the ability to manage your own emotional responses without relying on others for your sense of self-worth or happiness. It’s about feeling secure in who you are, regardless of the circumstances or other people’s reactions. It doesn’t mean withdrawing from relationships or becoming emotionally distant—it means being able to handle your own emotions and needs in a healthy way.

For many Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoAs) or individuals with codependency, emotional independence can feel foreign. Growing up in a chaotic or unpredictable environment—such as a home where addiction or emotional instability played a role—can lead to emotional dependence on others. ACoAs may have learned that their value was tied to taking care of others, maintaining peace, or being the caretaker in relationships. As a result, they might feel emotionally reliant on others to feel secure, loved, or valued.

Why Emotional Independence is Essential for Healthy Relationships

When you rely on someone else to meet all of your emotional needs, your sense of well-being becomes fragile and dependent on their actions, moods, or approval. This can lead to emotional instability, resentment, and anxiety, especially if your emotional needs are not being met or if you’re unable to assert yourself.

Here’s why emotional independence is a game-changer for healthy relationships:

1. Healthy Boundaries

Emotional independence allows you to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Without emotional independence, it can be difficult to establish limits because you may fear rejection or disapproval. You might sacrifice your needs to please others or avoid conflict, leading to unhealthy patterns in your relationships.

When you are emotionally independent, you have a stronger sense of self and can clearly express your needs. You are able to say "no" when needed and ask for what you need without fear of pushing someone away. Healthy boundaries lead to respect, trust, and a sense of mutual support in relationships.

2. Authentic Connections

When you are emotionally independent, you are free to connect with others in a genuine way. Instead of relying on others for validation, you can engage in relationships from a place of authenticity and mutual respect. Emotional independence allows you to bring your true self to relationships, which leads to deeper, more meaningful connections.

If you’re constantly dependent on someone else for your emotional stability, it’s easy to become caught in a cycle of people-pleasing and masking your true needs or desires. Emotional independence allows you to show up as your authentic self, fostering more honest and fulfilling relationships.

3. Reduced Anxiety and Fear of Abandonment

ACoAs and codependents often experience anxiety and fear of abandonment because they tie their sense of self-worth to the approval of others. Emotional independence helps break this cycle by allowing you to feel secure and confident in who you are, independent of anyone else’s approval. This leads to less anxiety in relationships and reduces the constant fear that you will be rejected or abandoned.

When you are emotionally independent, you are less likely to feel overwhelmed by the emotional states of others. You are also less likely to tolerate unhealthy behaviors in relationships, such as emotional manipulation or excessive dependence on others.

4. Personal Growth and Empowerment

Emotional independence is an essential component of personal growth and empowerment. When you take responsibility for your own emotions and needs, you reclaim your power. You stop relying on others to make you feel good about yourself, and you start building a stronger sense of self-worth from within.

As you cultivate emotional independence, you will feel more empowered to pursue your own goals, set healthy expectations for yourself, and embrace the possibility of growth and change. This leads to a more balanced and fulfilling life, where your happiness is not contingent on others.

How to Cultivate Emotional Independence

Developing emotional independence doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent effort and reflection, you can build a stronger sense of self. Here are some steps you can take to start cultivating emotional independence in your life:

1. Build Self-Awareness

The first step in becoming emotionally independent is increasing your self-awareness. Start by examining your emotional reactions and triggers. Ask yourself: Why do I feel this way? What need is not being met? Understanding your emotional patterns allows you to gain more control over your responses and reactions.

Journaling, mindfulness, or simply taking time each day to reflect on your emotions can help you become more in tune with your inner self. The more aware you are of your emotional needs, the better equipped you’ll be to take responsibility for them.

2. Practice Self-Validation

Self-validation is the practice of recognizing and affirming your own worth and feelings, without relying on others to do it for you. This might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to seeking external validation, but it’s a powerful step toward emotional independence.

Start by acknowledging your own emotions. Instead of waiting for someone else to tell you that you’re doing a good job or that you’re worthy of love, take a moment to acknowledge your own efforts. Celebrate your successes, however small, and remind yourself of your strengths.

3. Set and Respect Boundaries

Setting clear and consistent boundaries is crucial for cultivating emotional independence. Begin by recognizing what your boundaries are—what you are comfortable with, and what you are not. Practice asserting your boundaries in small ways, like saying “no” to unnecessary commitments or expressing your feelings in a calm, assertive manner.

It’s equally important to respect the boundaries of others. Emotional independence isn’t just about taking care of yourself; it’s also about allowing others the space to do the same. Respecting the autonomy of others creates a healthy dynamic of mutual respect and understanding.

4. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Instead of relying on others for emotional support in every situation, start developing your own healthy coping mechanisms. This might include relaxation techniques, exercising, journaling, or pursuing hobbies that make you feel fulfilled. Healthy coping skills help you process your emotions without becoming overly dependent on someone else’s presence or approval.

5. Seek Therapy or Support

Working with a therapist can provide you with the tools and strategies to help develop emotional independence. Therapy can help you explore the underlying causes of your emotional dependency, whether it’s rooted in past trauma, codependency, or childhood experiences. At my practice, I can help you build self-esteem, recognize your emotional needs, and guide you toward healthier emotional habits.

The Benefits of Emotional Independence in Relationships

When you cultivate emotional independence, your relationships become more balanced, fulfilling, and authentic. You are no longer dependent on others to validate your worth or make you feel complete. Instead, you bring a stronger sense of self to your relationships, which creates space for mutual respect and healthy emotional connections.

The benefits of emotional independence include:

Reduced anxiety and fear of abandonment
More fulfilling, equal partnerships
Stronger sense of self and personal growth
Improved emotional resilience and coping skills

Conclusion: Embracing Your Emotional Independence

Emotional independence is not about isolating yourself or becoming emotionally distant. It’s about developing the strength to manage your emotions and needs independently, while still engaging in healthy, meaningful relationships. Whether you are an ACoA or someone struggling with codependency, emotional independence is an essential step toward healing and growth.

If you’re ready to explore how emotional independence can improve your relationships and self-esteem, I encourage you to reach out. Together, we can work to build the emotional strength and tools you need to create more balanced and fulfilling connections in your life.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie Luman 7/7/25 Katie Luman 7/7/25

Codependency and Self-Esteem: Rebuilding Your Sense of Worth After Years of People-Pleasing

When we think of codependency, it’s easy to picture someone who is constantly caring for others, putting their needs first, and neglecting their own well-being. But at the heart of codependency is something deeper: a fragile sense of self-worth. If you’ve spent years being a people-pleaser, constantly seeking validation from others to feel valuable, it’s easy to lose sight of who you truly are. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, leaving you feeling empty, unsure of your worth, and trapped in unhealthy patterns of giving without receiving.

In this post, we’ll explore the connection between codependency and low self-esteem, how this relationship affects your emotional well-being, and most importantly, how to rebuild your self-worth. Healing from codependency is a personalized journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to your emotional growth. Let’s dive in.

What is Codependency and How Does It Affect Your Self-Esteem?

To understand the connection between codependency and self-esteem, we need to first look at what codependency really is. Codependency is a behavioral pattern where an individual relies on others for their emotional needs and self-worth. Codependent individuals often derive their sense of value from how well they can take care of others, fix their problems, or ensure their happiness.

Codependency might look like:

Constantly sacrificing your own needs to meet the needs of others.
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions and actions.
Struggling to say no or set boundaries because you fear rejection or disapproval.
Feeling that your worth is tied to your ability to “fix” or “help” others.

For many codependents, the foundation of this behavior is rooted in low self-esteem. As children, they may have learned that their value came from what they did for others, rather than from simply existing. This belief often continues into adulthood, where their sense of self-worth is tied to how much they can give or please others.

How Codependency Erodes Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is essentially the value we place on ourselves—the inner belief that we are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. For individuals with codependency, their self-esteem is often fragile and dependent on external sources. They may feel validated when others are happy or pleased with them, but when that approval is not forthcoming, they can feel worthless or unimportant.

Here’s how codependency erodes self-esteem over time:

1. The Validation Trap

Codependents often seek external validation because they don’t have an internal sense of self-worth. They rely on compliments, approval, and the happiness of others to feel good about themselves. The problem is that this external validation is temporary. It never fully satisfies the emotional need to feel truly valuable. The more you seek validation from others, the less likely you are to develop a lasting, internal sense of self-worth.

The cycle of constantly seeking approval or affirmation leaves individuals with codependency feeling empty and unfulfilled. This constant need to be “validated” by others takes away from the ability to recognize and value your own identity.

2. People-Pleasing and Self-Neglect

In their quest to please others, codependents often neglect their own needs, desires, and goals. They put others first, often to their own detriment. This pattern of self-sacrifice reinforces the idea that their needs don’t matter. Over time, they begin to believe that they are only worthy of love and respect when they are meeting the needs of others, further eroding their sense of self-worth.

This people-pleasing behavior can be exhausting, leading to burnout, resentment, and emotional depletion. The longer a person neglects their own needs for the sake of others, the further their sense of self-worth erodes.

3. Fear of Rejection and Abandonment

Codependents often fear rejection or abandonment because their sense of value is so closely tied to the approval of others. This fear can keep them trapped in relationships where they feel unappreciated or taken for granted. As a result, they may tolerate unhealthy behaviors or neglect their own emotional needs in an attempt to avoid conflict or rejection.

The constant fear of abandonment creates anxiety and contributes to a negative cycle. Codependents may feel trapped between the desire to please others and the fear that they won’t be loved or accepted if they assert their needs.

4. Difficulty Accepting Compliments or Praise

Because codependents don’t believe they are worthy of love or praise on their own, they often have a hard time accepting compliments or positive feedback. Instead of internalizing these affirmations, they may dismiss them or feel uncomfortable when someone recognizes their worth. This constant self-doubt prevents them from truly acknowledging their strengths and achievements.

Rebuilding Self-Esteem After Codependency

The good news is that healing from codependency and rebuilding self-esteem is absolutely possible. It requires self-awareness, patience, and a commitment to change. Here are some steps you can take to rebuild your self-esteem and break free from the cycle of codependency:

1. Acknowledge the Root of Your Codependency

The first step in healing is recognizing that your codependency is rooted in a lack of self-esteem. Acknowledging that your sense of worth has been shaped by external validation is a powerful step toward change. Therapy, particularly psychodynamic therapy, can help you uncover the deeper, unconscious beliefs that have shaped your behavior. Understanding why you behave in certain ways will give you the insight you need to make healthier choices going forward.

Acknowledging that your self-worth is not based on others’ approval is liberating. This realization is the first step in rebuilding your sense of self-esteem.

2. Shift Your Focus to Self-Worth

Start shifting your focus from external validation to internal self-worth. Instead of relying on others to tell you that you’re valuable, practice recognizing your own worth. This may involve positive self-talk, affirmations, or simply reflecting on your strengths and accomplishments. You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness simply because you exist. Begin to internalize this belief and let it guide your decisions and relationships.

Self-reflection exercises can help you identify your values and strengths, allowing you to build a sense of worth from within rather than depending on others for validation.

3. Learn to Say No and Set Boundaries

One of the most important aspects of rebuilding self-esteem is learning to say no and set boundaries. Boundaries are an expression of self-respect, and when you set boundaries, you’re telling others—and yourself—that your needs matter. It’s okay to put yourself first, and saying no does not make you a bad person. Practice setting small boundaries in your relationships, and gradually expand them as you build confidence.

Learning to say no is an act of self-care and a critical part of restoring your self-worth. It’s about reclaiming your time, energy, and emotions.

4. Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s a vital part of rebuilding self-esteem. When you’ve spent years prioritizing others over yourself, it can be challenging to make self-care a priority. Start with small steps—take a walk, enjoy a favorite hobby, or set aside time for relaxation. Self-compassion is key to healing from codependency. Be kind to yourself, and recognize that you deserve care and attention just as much as anyone else.

Practicing self-compassion is a powerful tool in rebuilding self-esteem. It’s about being gentle with yourself when you make mistakes and forgiving yourself for past actions.

5. Challenge Negative Beliefs

Codependents often have deeply ingrained negative beliefs about themselves, such as “I am only valuable when I’m helping others” or “I am not worthy of love.” These beliefs can be challenging to change, but it’s important to begin questioning them. Ask yourself, “Is this belief truly accurate?” Over time, you can replace negative beliefs with healthier, more accurate ones that align with your growing sense of self-worth.

Journaling and cognitive reframing can help you identify and challenge these negative thoughts. Every time a negative belief arises, replace it with a more balanced, compassionate thought.

6. Seek Support and Accountability

Healing from codependency and rebuilding self-esteem is a journey, and it’s one that’s often best taken with support. Therapy can help you navigate this process. At my practice, I can provide you with the tools you need to develop healthier relationships with yourself and others. Additionally, finding supportive friends or joining a support group can provide you with accountability and encouragement as you work to rebuild your self-esteem.

Accountability from others can offer a sense of connection and motivation. Therapy and support groups are valuable resources for creating lasting change in your emotional health.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Worth

Rebuilding self-esteem after years of codependency is a gradual process, but it is a deeply rewarding one. You have the ability to reclaim your sense of worth, set healthy boundaries, and foster meaningful, balanced relationships. The journey begins with acknowledging the patterns that have held you back, and gradually shifting your focus from external validation to internal self-worth.

Remember, healing is personal. You don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to explore how therapy can help you break free from codependency and rebuild your self-esteem, I encourage you to reach out. Together, we can create a plan that supports your unique needs and helps you step into a healthier, more empowered version of yourself.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie Luman 6/30/25 Katie Luman 6/30/25

Healing from Childhood Trauma: The Impact of Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home

Growing up in a home where alcohol played a dominant role can leave behind scars that last well into adulthood. If you’re an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA), you may find yourself struggling with feelings of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. The emotional residue of living in such an environment can often go unnoticed—at least until it starts to show up in your relationships, your self-esteem, and your mental health.

Understanding the long-term effects of growing up in an alcoholic home is crucial for healing. In this post, we’ll explore the ways in which childhood trauma from an alcoholic household affects your adult life and offer personalized, actionable steps you can take toward healing.

What Does It Mean to Be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA)?

Before diving into the impact, let’s start by understanding what it means to be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA). This term refers to individuals who grew up in a household where a parent (or sometimes both) struggled with alcohol addiction. For ACOAs, childhood often involved a constant state of unpredictability, emotional neglect, or even verbal and physical abuse. As children, we rely on our caregivers for emotional security, but for ACOAs, this often isn’t provided in a healthy, consistent way.

Being raised in an alcoholic home often means:

Living with emotional neglect or unspoken rules (e.g., “Don’t talk about it, don’t feel it”).
Experiencing unpredictability where one day a parent is loving and the next, they’re angry or absent.
Learning to cope with emotional chaos, which can lead to unhealthy patterns in adulthood.

It’s important to note that each person’s experience is unique—some ACOAs might have had a more outwardly abusive or neglectful experience, while others may have grown up with an alcoholic parent who maintained a facade of “normalcy.” Regardless of the specifics, these childhood experiences can shape how a person sees themselves and how they relate to others.

How Growing Up with an Alcoholic Parent Affects Your Emotional Development

As children, we develop our understanding of the world and our sense of self through our relationships, especially with our caregivers. In an alcoholic household, these relationships can be unpredictable, leaving a lasting imprint on how we view ourselves and others.

1. A Damaged Sense of Self-Worth

One of the most profound impacts of growing up in an alcoholic home is the damage done to self-esteem. When a child’s emotional needs are repeatedly neglected or dismissed, they may internalize the message that their needs don’t matter. This often results in feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. An ACoA might feel like they are only valuable based on what they can do for others or how well they can adapt to chaotic situations.

2. Difficulty Trusting Others

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. However, for ACOAs, trust can be a difficult thing to develop. Growing up with an unpredictable or unreliable caregiver can make it hard to believe that others can be counted on. This may show up in adult relationships as a fear of vulnerability or difficulty letting others get too close, out of a fear that they might “let you down” or “abandon” you, just like your parent did.

3. Inability to Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential in maintaining emotional well-being and healthy relationships. In an alcoholic household, boundaries are often blurred, violated, or non-existent. As a result, ACoAs can struggle with setting and respecting boundaries in their adult relationships. They may either overextend themselves to meet others’ needs (people-pleasing) or become so emotionally closed off that they struggle to connect with others at all.

4. Fear of Abandonment

The emotional unpredictability of living with an alcoholic parent creates a heightened fear of abandonment. You may have experienced the emotional withdrawal or unpredictability of a parent’s behavior, causing you to be constantly on edge, wondering when the next emotional “storm” might hit. This fear of abandonment often carries over into adulthood, where you may fear that close relationships could fall apart at any moment.

The Psychological Impact: Anxiety, Depression, and Emotional Reactivity

Growing up with an alcoholic parent can also lead to mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression. The emotional stress of living in a chaotic environment, coupled with feelings of shame or guilt, can leave ACOAs more susceptible to mental health struggles.

1. Chronic Anxiety

As a child, you might have learned to live in a constant state of alertness. With an alcoholic parent, things could change suddenly—one minute everything might be fine, and the next minute you could be dealing with anger, emotional outbursts, or even an unpredictable disappearance. This creates a high level of hypervigilance, where you are constantly on edge, trying to predict or prevent future emotional storms.

As an adult, this chronic anxiety can show up in relationships as fear of abandonment, fear of conflict, or a heightened sense of worry over trivial matters. Often, this anxiety can lead to excessive people-pleasing or controlling behaviors as a way of managing the uncertainty.

2. Depression

For many ACoAs, the combination of emotional neglect, instability, and shame can lead to deep feelings of sadness, isolation, and depression. In adulthood, this might manifest as low mood, loss of interest in things that once brought joy, or withdrawal from others. It’s also not uncommon for ACoAs to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse or perfectionism, to mask their emotional pain.

Steps Toward Healing: How to Overcome the Impact of Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home

Healing from the emotional scars left by growing up in an alcoholic household is a unique and personalized journey. It requires acknowledging the pain, confronting the past, and developing healthier coping strategies. Here are a few steps you can take toward healing:

1. Acknowledge the Impact of Your Childhood

The first step in healing is acknowledging how your childhood experiences shaped who you are today. It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve the childhood you didn’t have and the emotional needs that went unmet. This is an important step in breaking free from the past and understanding how it influences your current life and relationships.

2. Work with a Therapist

Healing from the trauma of growing up in an alcoholic home is not something you have to do alone. Personalized therapy, particularly psychodynamic therapy, can help you uncover and process the unconscious patterns that stem from your childhood. At my practice, I specialize in helping people explore the emotional and psychological effects of their upbringing and help them learn how to break free from these patterns.

Working with a therapist allows you to identify and challenge limiting beliefs you might have about your self-worth, and to develop healthier coping mechanisms to replace those that may have been developed in response to emotional neglect.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

As an ACoA, you may carry a lot of guilt and shame from your childhood. It’s important to practice self-compassion and remind yourself that the emotional pain you carry is not your fault. Healing involves being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself for the ways you may have tried to survive, and learning to accept your experiences as part of your journey—not as something that defines your worth.

4. Develop Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are key to healing from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic home. Therapy can help you identify where you have unhealthy boundaries and give you the tools to build stronger ones. Healthy boundaries help you maintain your sense of self in relationships and ensure that your emotional needs are respected.

5. Build Trust and Emotional Security in Relationships

One of the most important steps in healing is learning to build trust and emotional security in relationships. This may require unlearning old patterns of fear and anxiety, but with support, it is possible. Take small steps to allow yourself to be vulnerable with people you trust, and gradually let go of the fears of abandonment or rejection that might be holding you back.

Conclusion: Embracing the Healing Journey

Healing from the impact of growing up in an alcoholic home is a long but worthwhile process. Adult children of alcoholics often carry emotional scars that can affect their self-esteem, relationships, and mental health. However, understanding the origins of these struggles is the first step toward healing.

With the right support, self-compassion, and therapeutic tools, it’s possible to break free from the chains of your past and build a healthier, more fulfilling future. If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, I encourage you to reach out for personalized therapy. Together, we can explore your past, uncover your strengths, and help you create the life and relationships you deserve.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie Luman 6/23/25 Katie Luman 6/23/25

Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships: A Personalized Approach to Emotional Well-Being

Establishing and maintaining boundaries in relationships is an essential practice for emotional health, personal growth, and overall well-being. For many people, setting boundaries can feel challenging or even uncomfortable. This can be especially true for people who identify with traits of Codependency. However, boundaries are crucial for fostering respect, trust, and healthy communication between individuals. Without clear boundaries, relationships can become imbalanced, leading to misunderstandings, frustration, and emotional distress.

Whether you're struggling with maintaining personal space, managing your emotional energy, or balancing your needs with those of others, learning how to set and enforce healthy boundaries is a transformative skill. This blog post will guide you through the importance of boundaries in relationships, the different types of boundaries, and personalized strategies for developing and maintaining them.

What Are Boundaries in Relationships?

Boundaries are the limits and guidelines that define how we interact with others in relationships. They are the invisible lines that separate our needs, desires, and responsibilities from those of others. Boundaries protect our emotional, physical, and mental well-being by ensuring that we honor our own needs while respecting the needs of others.

In the context of relationships—whether romantic, familial, or professional—boundaries are about finding a balance between closeness and independence. When boundaries are respected, people feel safe, valued, and understood. When boundaries are violated or ignored, it can lead to frustration, resentment, or emotional exhaustion.

Why Are Boundaries Important?

Boundaries are important for several reasons:

Self-Respect: Healthy boundaries help us maintain our sense of self-worth and ensure that we are not compromising our values, needs, or desires to please others.
Emotional Safety: Boundaries provide emotional safety by preventing others from taking advantage of our time, energy, or emotions.
Preventing Resentment: When we fail to set boundaries, we may unknowingly agree to things that cause us stress or discomfort. Over time, this can lead to feelings of resentment toward others.
Improving Communication: Boundaries promote open and honest communication. They create space for individuals to express their feelings, needs, and limits without fear of judgment or rejection.
Fostering Respect: Boundaries allow people in relationships to show respect for one another's autonomy, needs, and emotional well-being.

Types of Boundaries in Relationships

Boundaries are not one-size-fits-all. The type of boundary you set will depend on the relationship and the context. Here are some common types of boundaries in relationships:

1. Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries refer to the personal space and physical touch we are comfortable with in a relationship. These boundaries help us maintain control over our bodies and ensure that we are not being physically manipulated, touched, or invaded in ways that make us uncomfortable.

Examples of physical boundaries include:

Deciding how much physical affection (hugs, kisses, hand-holding) is appropriate in different contexts.
Communicating when you need personal space or alone time.
Setting limits on who can enter your home or personal areas, like your bedroom.

2. Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries define how we allow others to affect our emotional state. They involve recognizing our feelings, understanding where they come from, and making decisions about how much emotional energy we want to invest in others. Setting emotional boundaries helps prevent emotional manipulation and fosters healthy emotional exchanges.

Examples of emotional boundaries include:

Setting limits on how much you share with others about your emotions or personal struggles.
Expressing your feelings and emotions openly without fear of judgment.
Recognizing when someone’s emotional state is affecting you negatively and deciding how to disengage or manage that interaction.

3. Time Boundaries

Time boundaries refer to how we manage our time and how we allow others to influence it. Time is a valuable resource, and setting boundaries around how much of it we give to others is essential for maintaining a sense of balance and avoiding burnout.

Examples of time boundaries include:

Declining invitations or requests that take up too much time or energy.
Scheduling time for self-care, hobbies, or activities that are important to you.
Communicating when you’re unavailable and respecting other people's time by being punctual.

4. Intellectual Boundaries

Intellectual boundaries relate to respecting each other’s thoughts, opinions, and ideas. These boundaries prevent people from dismissing, belittling, or invalidating each other’s perspectives and encourage healthy debate and discussion.

Examples of intellectual boundaries include:

Respecting others' viewpoints, even if you don’t agree with them.
Avoiding criticism of someone's ideas or opinions in a way that belittles them.
Encouraging open, respectful dialogue that allows for differing perspectives without judgment.

5. Financial Boundaries

Financial boundaries help individuals manage their money and prevent others from taking advantage of their resources. They are important for protecting one’s financial well-being and ensuring that others do not impose financial obligations or expectations on you without consent.

Examples of financial boundaries include:

Declining to lend money to friends or family members if you are not comfortable doing so.
Setting limits on how much you are willing to spend on gifts, events, or shared expenses.
Communicating your financial goals and priorities clearly to others.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is a skill that requires self-awareness, practice, and patience. It can be difficult at first, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing or sacrificing your own needs for the sake of others. However, the benefits of healthy boundaries are well worth the effort.

Here are some strategies for setting healthy boundaries:

1. Know Your Needs and Limits

Before setting boundaries, it's essential to understand your own needs and limits. Take some time to reflect on what makes you feel comfortable and safe in relationships. Consider your emotional, physical, and mental limits, and think about what you need from others to maintain your well-being.

2. Be Clear and Direct

When setting boundaries, it’s important to communicate them clearly and directly. Avoid vague statements or hints—be explicit about your needs and limitations. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t feel comfortable when you do that,” say, “I need personal space when I’m upset, and I don’t want to talk right away.”

3. Use “I” Statements

Using “I” statements helps you express your boundaries without sounding accusatory or confrontational. It centers your feelings and needs rather than placing blame on others. For example, say, “I feel overwhelmed when my time is not respected” instead of, “You always make me feel overwhelmed.”

4. Stay Firm but Respectful

Once you’ve communicated your boundaries, it’s important to stay firm in enforcing them. Boundaries are only effective if they are respected, so don’t back down just to avoid conflict. At the same time, be respectful of the other person’s feelings and needs. Setting boundaries is not about being harsh or controlling—it’s about taking care of yourself while maintaining healthy relationships.

5. Be Prepared for Resistance

Not everyone will understand or respect your boundaries right away, especially if they are used to you being more flexible or accommodating. Be prepared for resistance or pushback, and don’t feel guilty for standing your ground. If someone repeatedly disregards your boundaries, you may need to reevaluate the relationship and consider whether it is healthy for you.

6. Practice Self-Care

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. It’s about taking responsibility for your well-being and protecting your emotional energy. Make self-care a priority by scheduling regular time for activities that recharge you, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive friends and family.

7. Seek Support if Needed

If you’re struggling with setting boundaries, then reach out to my practice today. Therapy can help you build confidence in enforcing boundaries and navigate the challenges that come with establishing healthy relationship dynamics.

The Benefits of Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Setting healthy boundaries can have profound effects on your relationships and emotional well-being. Here are some of the key benefits:

Improved Self-Esteem: When you set and maintain boundaries, you send a clear message to yourself and others that you value your needs and your well-being. This strengthens your sense of self-worth.
Deeper Connection: Healthy boundaries promote respect and understanding in relationships. By communicating your needs clearly and respecting others’ boundaries, you create a deeper, more authentic connection with those around you.
Reduced Stress and Anxiety: Boundaries help you manage your emotional energy and prevent burnout. By setting limits on how much you give to others, you create space for rest, relaxation, and self-care, which reduces stress and anxiety.
Greater Personal Freedom: When you set boundaries, you take control of your time, emotions, and energy. This freedom allows you to live authentically and make choices that align with your values and priorities.
Better Communication: Healthy boundaries promote clear and honest communication. They encourage open dialogue about needs, desires, and concerns, which strengthens relationships and reduces misunderstandings.

Conclusion: Embracing the Power of Healthy Boundaries

Setting and maintaining boundaries is an essential part of fostering healthy, respectful relationships. While it may be challenging at first, especially if you’re used to putting others’ needs ahead of your own, establishing boundaries is a powerful tool for improving your emotional well-being and creating balanced, fulfilling connections with others.

Remember, boundaries are personal, and what works for one person may not work for another. Your boundaries are unique to you, and they should be tailored to fit your needs and your relationships. By respecting your own boundaries and the boundaries of others, you can build a foundation of trust, respect, and emotional safety that supports your growth and happiness.

If you’re ready to explore how personalized therapy can help you build and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can work on a plan that supports your unique journey toward emotional well-being and healthier connections.

This blog post is designed to educate and empower readers about the importance of boundaries in relationships, while also aligning with your content goals and SEO optimization. It provides actionable advice, practical examples, and emphasizes the personalized nature of care, ensuring a comprehensive and engaging reading experience.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie Luman 6/16/25 Katie Luman 6/16/25

Adult Children of Alcoholics: Navigating the Path to Healing and Self-Discovery

Growing up as the child of an alcoholic parent can leave deep emotional scars. As adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs), individuals often carry with them the weight of emotional struggles, identity issues, and challenges in forming healthy relationships that began in childhood. These experiences can affect their emotional well-being, decision-making, and how they interact with others as adults.

The good news is that while the effects of growing up in an alcoholic household are far-reaching, there is hope. Healing is possible, and the first step is recognizing and understanding how past experiences continue to shape our present lives. In this post, we will delve into the challenges faced by adult children of alcoholics, the impact of an alcoholic upbringing, and the personalized paths to healing that can help you regain control of your life and relationships.

What It Means to Be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA)

Being an adult child of an alcoholic is not just about living with a parent who struggles with alcohol addiction. It’s about growing up in a home filled with unpredictability, emotional volatility, and often, a lack of emotional support or security. Children in these environments frequently experience emotional neglect, confusion, and a sense of isolation, which can deeply influence their psychological development.

The experience of being an adult child of an alcoholic is personal and unique to each individual, but it often leaves a common thread: feelings of shame, guilt, or confusion about one’s own worth and place in the world. As children, many ACOAs develop coping mechanisms that are designed to protect them from emotional pain, but these mechanisms can become ingrained patterns that persist well into adulthood.

Adult children of alcoholics often find themselves struggling with issues related to self-esteem, trust, codependency, and the ability to form healthy, balanced relationships. It can be difficult to understand how these behaviors and patterns came to be, but recognizing them is the first step in taking control of your healing journey.

Common Traits and Behaviors in Adult Children of Alcoholics

The experience of growing up in an alcoholic household can create lasting emotional and psychological effects. Adult children of alcoholics often develop behaviors or traits as coping mechanisms to manage the uncertainty, fear, and emotional neglect they experienced. These patterns can carry over into adulthood and impact relationships, self-worth, and mental health.

Here are some of the common traits and behaviors that may appear in adult children of alcoholics:

1. Difficulty Trusting Others

Trust is one of the most difficult things for adult children of alcoholics to build. Growing up with a parent who was unreliable due to alcohol abuse leads to a lack of trust in others. As children, they may have witnessed their parent’s erratic behavior, such as broken promises, lies, or unpredictable moods, which can make it hard for ACOAs to believe that others can be dependable or trustworthy.

This mistrust often extends to relationships in adulthood. ACOAs may find themselves constantly second-guessing others’ motives or struggling to believe that their partners, friends, or coworkers have their best interests at heart.

2. Struggles with Self-Esteem

Children raised in alcoholic homes often internalize feelings of inadequacy, believing they are somehow responsible for their parent’s behavior. As adults, ACOAs frequently struggle with low self-esteem and a sense of unworthiness, thinking that they are not "good enough" for love, respect, or success. These feelings of shame may lead to perfectionistic tendencies, as they constantly feel the need to prove their worth.

It’s important to recognize that these feelings are not inherent truths but patterns shaped by the chaotic environment they grew up in. Healing involves reshaping these beliefs and learning to accept and value oneself for who they truly are.

3. Difficulty with Boundaries

Growing up in an alcoholic household often means that boundaries—whether emotional, physical, or psychological—are unclear or violated. ACOAs may not have learned how to establish or respect healthy boundaries because they were never modeled in childhood.

As adults, ACOAs may struggle with either becoming too passive and allowing others to overstep their boundaries or becoming overly rigid, making it difficult to connect with others in meaningful ways. Learning how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries is a critical part of healing.

4. People-Pleasing and Codependency

Adult children of alcoholics often develop people-pleasing behaviors as a way to keep the peace in a chaotic household. By focusing on meeting the needs of others, they hope to avoid the emotional turbulence that comes from disapproval or conflict. Over time, this tendency to please others can develop into codependency, where their self-worth is dependent on taking care of others at the expense of their own needs.

ACOAs may feel responsible for others’ happiness and well-being, often neglecting their own emotional needs in the process. This can lead to emotional exhaustion and a sense of resentment, as the individual’s own needs and desires are consistently overlooked.

5. Fear of Abandonment

A common fear for adult children of alcoholics is the fear of abandonment. Growing up in an unstable household, where a parent may be emotionally unavailable or physically absent due to alcohol abuse, leaves ACOAs with a heightened fear of being left alone. This fear can make it difficult to establish intimate, trusting relationships, and may result in staying in unhealthy relationships just to avoid the feeling of abandonment.

6. Emotional Reactivity

The unpredictability of an alcoholic home often means that emotions run high and can change rapidly. As a result, ACOAs may develop an exaggerated emotional response to situations. For example, they might become overly anxious when things aren’t going perfectly or react impulsively to perceived threats in relationships, out of fear that something will "go wrong."

These heightened emotional reactions can lead to difficulties in regulating emotions and can negatively affect relationships, especially when they aren’t able to communicate or cope with their emotions effectively.

The Long-Term Impact of Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home

The effects of growing up in an alcoholic home can last long into adulthood. Many adult children of alcoholics struggle with relationships, emotional regulation, and their own mental health because of the unresolved trauma from their childhood experiences. Some of the long-term effects of being an ACoA include:

1. Unresolved Trauma

Many adult children of alcoholics carry unresolved trauma from their childhood. This trauma can manifest as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and it can affect their ability to trust others and feel safe in the world.

The healing process involves acknowledging the pain, validating the experience, and finding healthy ways to process and release that trauma.

2. Difficulty in Adult Relationships

Because ACOAs have often learned unhealthy relationship patterns from their alcoholic parents, they may struggle to form healthy, balanced relationships as adults. They may find themselves in dysfunctional relationships, repeating patterns they learned in childhood. Whether it’s choosing partners with substance abuse problems or engaging in codependent behavior, ACOAs may unknowingly recreate the emotional chaos of their upbringing.

3. Increased Risk of Addiction and Mental Health Issues

Growing up in an alcoholic home puts individuals at a higher risk for developing substance abuse problems themselves. Additionally, ACOAs are at a higher risk for mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, due to the unresolved trauma and emotional neglect they experienced.

Healing from the Effects of Growing Up with an Alcoholic Parent

While the effects of being an adult child of an alcoholic are significant, they are not insurmountable. Healing involves recognizing the ways that childhood experiences shaped your emotional responses and developing new, healthier ways to engage with the world.

Here are some steps to begin the healing process:

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Experience

The first step toward healing is acknowledging the impact that your childhood experiences have had on your life. Recognizing that your upbringing has shaped your behavior, emotions, and relationships is the first step in reclaiming your life and your power.

2. Seek Personalized Therapy and Support

Therapy can be incredibly beneficial for adult children of alcoholics. Working with a therapist who specializes in codependency and trauma recovery can help you explore and process the emotional scars from your past. Personalized therapy is key, as each individual’s journey is unique, and a tailored approach will provide the support you need to heal at your own pace.

In addition to therapy, support groups such as Al-Anon can provide valuable community support from others who understand your experience and can offer guidance and camaraderie.

3. Learn Healthy Boundaries

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for adult children of alcoholics. Therapy can help you learn how to set boundaries in relationships, assert your needs, and stop people-pleasing behaviors. Healthy boundaries allow you to protect your emotional well-being while also fostering healthier, more balanced relationships.

4. Develop Emotional Regulation Skills

Learning how to regulate your emotions is essential for healing. Techniques such as mindfulness, breathing exercises, and meditation can help you manage emotional reactivity and develop greater emotional stability. Adult children of alcoholics often benefit from learning how to identify and process their emotions in a healthy way.

5. Rebuild Your Self-Worth

As a child of an alcoholic, you may have internalized feelings of inadequacy and shame. Healing involves reframing these beliefs and learning to accept and love yourself for who you are. Self-compassion, affirmations, and activities that promote self-esteem can help rebuild your sense of worth.

Conclusion: Moving Forward as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

Healing from the effects of growing up as an adult child of an alcoholic is a journey that takes time, patience, and personalized care. It is not a process that happens overnight, but with the right support, you can break free from old patterns, rediscover your authentic self, and build healthier relationships.

If you’re ready to explore your path to healing, I encourage you to reach out. Therapy can help you uncover the roots of your struggles and begin the work of healing, growth, and empowerment. You deserve to live a life that is free from the emotional baggage of your past and to create the fulfilling, healthy relationships you deserve.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie Luman 6/9/25 Katie Luman 6/9/25

Understanding Codependency: Signs, Causes, and Healing Paths

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a complex and often misunderstood psychological condition that affects many individuals, deeply influencing their relationships and sense of self. Whether it's in intimate partnerships, family dynamics, or friendships, codependency can create a cycle where one person has an over-reliance on another for emotional support, validation, and a sense of purpose. In this post, we will explore the signs and symptoms of codependency, the underlying causes, and, most importantly, ways to heal and reclaim your personal well-being through personalized therapy for codependency.

At its core, codependency refers to a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person tends to prioritize the needs of others over their own, often to their detriment. This may manifest as excessive caregiving, people-pleasing behaviors, or the inability to set healthy boundaries. The emotional dependence on others to feel valued or secure is a hallmark of codependency, leading individuals to experience a loss of their sense of self.

In a codependent relationship, both individuals can become entangled in a cycle where one person’s needs are met at the expense of the other, often leaving both partners feeling drained, misunderstood, or resentful. This dynamic is commonly found in relationships involving addiction, abuse, or unresolved trauma, but it can exist in any type of relationship where there is an imbalance of emotional or psychological needs.

In some cases, the codependent partner may be so focused on caring for the other person that they neglect their own well-being, sacrificing their own needs and desires to maintain the relationship. Over time, this can lead to burnout, resentment, and a deep sense of dissatisfaction.

Signs and Symptoms of Codependency

Recognizing codependency can be challenging, especially when the behavior is ingrained over time. Individuals often don’t realize that their actions and emotions are being driven by a need to please others or maintain the relationship at all costs. Here are some common codependency symptoms to be aware of:

Difficulty Saying No: Individuals with codependency often struggle to set boundaries and say no to others. They may feel guilty or fearful of disappointing someone, even if it means sacrificing their own needs. This can result in a cycle where they feel overburdened and overwhelmed but continue to prioritize others.
People-Pleasing: A strong need to please others, sometimes at the expense of personal happiness or well-being, is a central characteristic of codependency. The fear of conflict or rejection often drives people-pleasing behavior. For example, a codependent person might take on extra work at the office or at home, even when they are already overwhelmed, just to avoid the discomfort of disappointing someone else.
Low Self-Esteem: Codependents often have a diminished sense of self-worth. They may feel like they don’t deserve to be loved or valued unless they are fulfilling the needs of others. This can manifest in situations where they feel like they are "only worthy" when they are caring for or helping someone else.
Caretaking: Over-caring for others is a common feature of codependency. This often goes beyond healthy nurturing and crosses into self-sacrifice, where the individual neglects their own needs for the sake of another person. A codependent person might, for example, neglect their own health or hobbies to care for a loved one who refuses to take responsibility for themselves.
Fear of Abandonment: A deep fear of being abandoned or rejected may lead codependents to tolerate unhealthy behaviors from others in an effort to keep the relationship intact. For instance, someone might stay in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship because they fear being alone or unloved.
Trouble Expressing Emotions: People with codependency may struggle to express their own emotions and needs clearly. Instead, they may focus on the emotions and needs of others, often neglecting their own. This can make it difficult to create a relationship that is based on mutual understanding and emotional exchange.
Relationship Enmeshment: A tendency to become overly involved or enmeshed in the problems or emotions of another person, often to the point of losing personal identity or independence. A codependent partner may find themselves unable to make decisions or set their own goals without considering the other person’s needs first.
Avoidance of Conflict: Many people with codependency avoid conflict at all costs, often agreeing with others or suppressing their own feelings to avoid tension or confrontation. This avoidance can lead to passive-aggressive behaviors or repressed emotions, which can be detrimental in the long run.

The Causes of Codependency

Understanding the origins of codependency can be key to healing. Codependency doesn’t develop overnight—it's often the result of learned behavior or experiences, especially during childhood. Here are some potential causes:

Family Dynamics: Codependency frequently develops in families where there are issues like addiction, neglect, or emotional dysfunction. A child raised in an environment where their emotional needs were neglected or where the focus was on another family member’s needs may grow up believing their worth is tied to helping or pleasing others. These individuals might learn that love and validation are earned through caretaking and self-sacrifice.
Trauma and Abuse: Individuals who have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse may develop codependent tendencies as a survival mechanism. The trauma can lead to a distorted sense of self-worth and the need to gain validation or love by caring for others. For example, a person who was neglected or abused in childhood might internalize the belief that they must always "fix" others in order to be loved.
Unhealthy Role Models: Growing up in an environment where unhealthy relationships are modeled, such as one where one person is constantly sacrificing themselves for the other, can influence a person’s understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like. This can set the foundation for codependent behavior later in life. Children of codependent parents may unconsciously adopt these behaviors, continuing the cycle into adulthood.
Cultural and Societal Norms: In some cultures or families, there may be an emphasis on selflessness and the expectation that individuals should put the needs of others above their own. This can contribute to the development of codependent tendencies, particularly in women, who are often socialized to prioritize relationships and caregiving.

The Impact of Codependency on Relationships

Codependency can take a significant toll on relationships. While it may initially feel like a form of closeness or deep connection, over time, it often leads to feelings of exhaustion, resentment, and emotional burnout. Some common ways codependency impacts relationships include:

Imbalance of Power: In a codependent relationship, one partner may feel more like a caretaker or rescuer, while the other may feel helpless or reliant on the other for emotional support. This can create an unhealthy power dynamic, where one person feels responsible for the other’s emotions or well-being. Over time, the relationship becomes unbalanced and unsustainable.
Emotional Burnout: Constantly prioritizing the needs of others can lead to emotional exhaustion. Codependents often feel drained, unable to recharge because they are always focused on meeting someone else’s needs. This lack of emotional replenishment leads to burnout, which can affect both the individual and the relationship.
Loss of Identity: When a person’s self-worth is wrapped up in the ability to please or take care of someone else, they can lose touch with their own identity and needs. This loss of self can make it difficult to build meaningful, healthy connections with others. A codependent person might not even recognize their own desires or goals because they are so focused on fulfilling someone else’s needs.
Resentment and Conflict: Although conflict is avoided in a codependent relationship, resentment often builds over time. The caretaker may begin to feel unappreciated, and the dependent partner may feel criticized or controlled. This can lead to passive-aggressive behaviors and unresolved tensions that make it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship.

Healing from Codependency: A Personalized Approach

The journey to healing from codependency requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth. Codependency therapy provides a safe space to explore the roots of codependent behaviors and develop healthier ways to interact with others. Here are several paths to healing:

Building Healthy Boundaries: One of the first steps in healing from codependency is learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. This involves recognizing your own needs and asserting them in a clear and respectful way, while also respecting the boundaries of others. Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, but it is essential to protect your emotional well-being and cultivate healthier relationships.
Improving Self-Esteem: Healing from codependency involves building a healthier sense of self-worth. Therapy can help you identify negative self-beliefs and work on cultivating self-love and acceptance, independent of your role in others' lives. Strengthening your self-esteem allows you to feel more grounded in your own identity, rather than relying on others for validation.
Developing Emotional Independence: Learning to rely on your own emotional resources rather than seeking validation from others is key to healing. Personalized therapy for codependency can help you explore your emotional world, understand your triggers, and develop coping strategies that don’t involve sacrificing your own needs. By developing emotional independence, you can create healthier relationships where both partners are supported without one becoming overwhelmed.
Processing Past Trauma: For many people, codependency is linked to past trauma, such as childhood neglect or abuse. Addressing and healing from past wounds through therapy can help you break free from unhealthy relational patterns and create healthier connections in the future. Healing trauma is often a key part of overcoming codependency, as it allows individuals to rebuild their sense of self and emotional security.
Enhancing Communication Skills: Healthy relationships require open, honest communication. Therapy for codependency can help you improve your ability to express your thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully, fostering healthier connections with others. Developing strong communication skills also helps you assert your needs without guilt or fear of rejection.
Practicing Self-Care: Prioritizing your own well-being is an important part of healing. Engaging in regular self-care practices, whether through physical exercise, creative expression, or relaxation techniques, can help you reconnect with yourself and restore emotional balance. Self-care can also include regular check-ins with yourself to ensure your needs are being met, rather than constantly focusing on others.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Life from Codependency

Codependency is a deeply ingrained behavior pattern, but it is not an insurmountable challenge. With the right support, you can learn to break free from codependent cycles and build healthier, more balanced relationships. By focusing on healing the emotional wounds that fuel codependency and embracing a personalized therapeutic approach, you can rediscover your sense of self-worth and begin to live a life that is authentically your own.

If you're ready to explore how codependency therapy can support you on this journey, I encourage you to reach out for a consultation. Together, we can work on a tailored plan to help you heal, grow, and create the fulfilling relationships you deserve.

About Katie Luman, LPC

Codependency Therapist:

Katie Luman 8/14/24 Katie Luman 8/14/24

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Child of an Alcoholic

Approximately 1 in 5 adults grew up with an alcoholic parent. That means when you’re at work, the grocery store, your kid’s school, church, or cheering on your favorite sports team in the stands you are surrounded by your fellow Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs). Thousands of people in YOUR community are looking for answers on how to cope with problems in their lives that are rooted in having been raised in an alcoholic home.

There are currently over 2,000 support group meetings run around the world for people who identify as Adult Children of Alcoholics. That means that MILLIONS of people are actively looking for answers, support, and healing from their personal experiences of growing up in a home with an alcoholic parent.

. The majority of those meetings (1,933 to be exact) are in the United States.

So how did all these people find each other before Instagram and Facebook?

It all started with a guy named “Tony A.” in 1978. He wrote out a list of 14 common characteristics that he and others around him closely related to as Adult Children of Alcoholics. It is known as the “The Laundry List.”

Read the list below and see how many you relate to.

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We became addicted to excitement.
We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Got your number? Whether it is 2, 7, or 12 there is good news and there is a solution!

Much like the model of Alcoholics Anonymous, ACOA has its own literature, workbooks, 12 Steps, and support groups as I mentioned above.
In my therapy practice, it is super common for me to hear from people that the idea of attending a support group or 12 Step meeting is NOT appealing to them. Sitting in a room full of strangers and talking about your childhood trauma? “ No Thank You” they say. Actual responses usually include more colorful language. =)

Honestly, I get it. When you grow up in a dysfunctional family system it is very common to learn to believe that you can’t trust people. You can’t trust “outsiders” (Read: Anyone living outside of the dysfunction.) Someone outside of the dysfunction might betray you or bring shame on you or a family member. They might not have your best interest in mind, and even though you know you also can’t technically trust the family system, you can at least try to protect yourself.

This is where I can help. If sitting in a room full of strangers isn’t something you’re ready for then that is okay! It is okay to find a different starting place. The most important choice you will make about this is to choose to not go through it alone anymore. You don’t have to start by opening up to 20 people, you can start by opening up to 1. Isolation is a killer of hope and healing. Don’t let yourself be its victim.

Take back some power by starting with individual therapy. Start with the easiest part and get on my calendar for a free 15 minute phone consultation. Do that here. I’ll give you an outline of how I approach therapy sessions so you can know exactly what to expect and I’ll answer any additional questions you have.

I don’t know where Tony A. is these days ( with the anonymity of The 12 Steps and what not…) but i’m thankful to him for putting into words what millions of people have personally experienced and as a result feel seen, heard, and validated in many ways for the first time.

**About Katie Luman, LPC**
**Codependency Therapist**:

Katie is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Georgia. She provides in person therapy at her Marietta office and provides virtual sessions for the entire state of Georgia. She enjoys helping people learn how to love others well while still honoring their own personal needs. **If you are interested in treatment for Codependency then** **call or email** **Katie today!**

Katie Luman 7/13/22 Katie Luman 7/13/22

Is Codependency Really a Toxic Myth in Addiction Recovery?

Is Codependency really a toxic myth in addiction recovery?

A codependent couple realizing they need codependency therapy. — The dangers of people pleasing or codependency are legitimate.

I stumbled across a New York Times article titled, “Codependency is a Toxic Myth in Addiction Recovery.” My jaw almost hit the floor. I was shocked to hear what appeared to be a strong opposing view on a subject I’ve had so much first hand experience with. Not just a difference of opinion but challenging its entire existence.

The publication is an opinion piece. A piece that could easily cause alarm to those who have either known or wondered that their people pleasing tendencies are actually traits of codependency. The dangers of people pleasing or codependency are in fact legitimate. The years I spent working in residential treatment and centers for detox from substance abuse confirmed that. I’ve sat across from countless family members and close friends of a loved with addiction seeking professional guidance on what to do next to try and salvage the relationship.

Is My Relationship Toxic?

Reading the article reminded me of how high emotions can run when people are scared of losing a loved one to addiction, completely at their wits end after trying everything from rational reasoning, to threats of cutting off all types of support. All the while, hurting and scared out of their minds about the realization of their own powerlessness over their loved one’s addiction. If you and I were in a counseling session right now this is where I’d pause ask you to take a couple deep breaths and then check in with me about how you’re feeling.

The more I read, the more concerned I felt about the potential damage of the claim that “Codependency is a Toxic Myth in Addiction Recovery.” Like so many areas of life, I don’t believe one can accurately define a relationship dynamic in such an absolute and polarizing statement.

I understand that as humans we desire the path of least resistance. Make it simple and easy for me! Unfortunately, we know this isn’t in line with reality and addiction only further complicates things.

Let me say it here now, No one can ultimately know what will work best for your life and your relationships but you. Therapy is meant to help bring insight, new perspective, and education in some instances but the objective is never to tell you how to live your life.

That being said, to use examples of a family losing a loved one to a drug over dose because they were told they are codependent and tried to have boundaries is a wildly incomplete story.

I am certain that people have been given distorted information on codependency, either in favor of or against it.

The author cites Melody Beattie’s book “Codependent No More” in multiple places but the information cited is incomplete and I believe, creates a misleading view of the message of the book. The article’s focus is that the term codependent is used to dissuade people from giving love and support to an addicted person in their darkest moments when they need love and support the most. That message is contrary to the true definition of Codependency. The author is right in saying that we all have a need for dependence on others. That much is true!

Is My Relationship Codependent?

Being codependent is not the same as being interdependent or having a healthy dependence in relationships. We are complex creatures who thrive in safe communities, not in isolation. Healthy dependence includes things like, a mutual dependence on one another, not a singular one. It includes multiple safe and supportive relationships where each person feels secure enough in the relationship to address conflict without a deep fear of rejection or abandonment rising to the surface, to cheer each other on, to say “no” when needed, and to not question our self-worth or compromise our self-esteem when we ourselves are told “no.” It looks like sharing responsibilities and burdens, not rescuing and caretaking for another person to distract from our personal feelings of inadequacy. The motivation behind acts of kindness, love, and generosity cannot be fear. For then, they are not really loving, generous, or kind after all. They are attempts at controlling another person, attempts to manipulate someone into staying, and acts of desperation to change the mind of a person whose mind is not fully their own while in active addiction.

How to Break Codependency

A fence with a boundary sign illustrates one way to break codependency. — A person who knows their own needs and limitations is able to give and love generously in the most authentic way.

Brene Brown states that a person who knows their own needs and limitations is able to give and love generously in the most authentic way. This is because there are no underlying resentments, no unrealistic expectations of what they’ll get in return because that person’s needs are already being met. They are not “loving” someone else in order to receive love. To break codependency patterns is to learn how to love and respect yourself. If you learn how to love yourself then you’ll be much more fit to truly love someone else. If the thought of figuring out how to break codependency from your relationship makes you anxious you are not alone. Anxiety and codependency are frequently experienced together.

Have there been or will there be times when it is appropriate to leave a loved one in jail or refuse to let them back in your home? Yes. It is a shameful lie to tell ourselves that we have the power to somehow figure out how to control the outcome of addiction in someone’s life.

I could go on. My hope in responding to this piece is to shine a light on the reality that there are nuances and complexities to all of us and a misdirected attempt at creating alarmism and “canceling” the term Codependency isn’t helping anyone. If you have anxiety, fears, or questions about Codependency then I encourage you to seek out a therapist who specializes on the subject where you live.